It's okay if you haven't told anyone yet

Many people read information like this before they've shared their pregnancy with friends, extended family or coworkers. That's common, and it doesn't mean you're behind. You can build pieces of a support system quietly without announcing anything to anyone else.

If you've experienced a previous loss, you might choose to wait on some of this planning, and that makes complete sense, as this can be a way to protect yourself. There's no required timeline for any of these steps. Waiting is an informed choice, not avoidance.

Name your people

You don't need a big circle. You need a few people [1] for a few specific kinds of help during pregnancy and after the birth. Sometimes one person may be able to manage many of these things, but it can be useful to spread it out so we don’t depend too heavily on one individual. These questions can help you think it through:

• Who can I turn to for emotional support?
• Who can I turn to for help with tasks, like errands or meals?
• Who can I turn to for information — someone who's been through this, or knows where to look?
• Where am I missing support right now?
• How do I like to ask for help, and how can I let myself receive it?

You don't have to answer every question today. Naming and writing down even one person for one kind of support is enough. Think beyond your usual network — remember that many people love to help! Having someone to lean on matters, and having peer support has been shown to help protect your mental health at this stage. You can decide when you want to reach out to your named people, but it’s definitely recommended that you have a conversation with your intended supports, whenever you’re ready to do so.

Know who will be on your team, and who could be

Most people end up with a few types of care providers/support spread across pregnancy and postpartum, not one person doing it all. You don't need to identify all your care providers today. Below is a general list of the types of providers and supports you may need or benefit from having in your life during this time. You can use our Service Finder to find locally available options:

• A medical care provider: a family doctor who specializes in prenatal care, labour and delivery, and postpartum care; a midwife; or an obstetrician who follows you through pregnancy, labour and delivery. Depending on how your pregnancy proceeds, you might not end up with your preferred pregnancy care provider, which can be disappointing. Take time to talk with your primary care provider about all available options and what fits best for you.

• A birth support person: a doula, partner, friend or family member there specifically for labour and delivery, separate from your medical team.

• A mental healthcare provider: a counsellor, therapist or psychiatrist, if and when you need one. You can sometimes refer yourself directly, or ask any provider you're already seeing for a referral.

• Peer or community support: a person or group of people who’ve been through this before. You can find peer and community support options in our Service Finder.

• Practical postpartum support: a postpartum doula, breastfeeding support group or other services designed to support you during the postpartum period. This may include food delivery services, house cleaning, dog walking and assistance with other practical tasks.

• Childcare: it might feel early, but it's worth learning about your options and adding your name to waitlists for childcare.

You likely already have at least one of these covered. Whichever box feels most open right now is a good place to start.

If you're the non-birthing parent: You might be doing a version of this list-building too — tracking appointments, thinking ahead about childcare, holding the news alongside your partner. It's common to feel like your job is to support them from the background. One concrete step: ask your partner for one single task they'd like to have off their plate, and take care of that one thing.

This article was developed using sourced educational content from Canadian Perinatal Mental Health Trainings CPMHT, and informed by the collective knowledge and expertise of CPMHT professionals and Karen Clarke, BA, MSW, RSW, Doula Open Book Doula, Counselling and Consulting Services, as well as the following cited research and clinical practice guidelines: