What is matrescence?

While matrescence is related to identity [1], it’s a separate, more specific concept to describe the physical, psychological, emotional and social transition into motherhood. One common way to describe the profound changes that occur is as a kind of second adolescence, another life stage where your body, your sense of self and your whole inner world shift at once, and you slowly become a different version of you. It’s common to feel there are parts of yourself that have been left behind in the birth experience. It's a transition to move through, and not a sign that something is wrong with you. It’s not something to complete, master or get right. It’s messy, and that’s okay! It also isn't only a postpartum experience. It can begin in pregnancy, or even before while you hope and plan for parenthood, and keep unfolding for years. The life and identity changes of becoming a parent are very real and can affect your mental health. Having a word for it matters: it gives people permission to talk about the hard parts, without assuming they're failing.

While the term is rooted in the language of mothering, professionals in perinatal fields recognize that this biological and social rite of passage can be experienced by anyone who takes on the role of caregiver, regardless of gender. For trans and non-binary individuals, the psychological and physical transition to parenthood is a deeply unique experience. It compounds the typical shifts in identity, hormones and body image with gender dysphoria, the need for gender-affirming reproductive care and the navigation of cisnormative healthcare systems.

Why it can feel like a tug-of-war

Matrescence is a transition, and transitions can feel like living in two worlds at once. You’re no longer exactly who you were before, but you may not yet feel settled into who you are becoming. Part of you may long for the familiarity of your old life, while another part is growing toward something new. Existing in that in-between space can feel like a tug of war. People tend to describe that tension showing up in a few recognizable ways.

• You might feel joy and grief, love and loss, gratitude and resentment

You might miss parts of your old life while feeling deeply connected to the life you have now. These feelings do not cancel each other out.

• You might notice a gap between the parenthood you imagined and the one you’re living

We carry ideas about what parenthood should feel like, shaped by our families, communities and culture. Social media often reinforces these ideals, showing polished moments while hiding much of the invisible work. When reality doesn't match the picture in our minds, it can be easy to conclude that we're failing rather than recognizing that our expectations may have been unrealistic.

• You might feel a kind of competition for your own attention.

Relationships, priorities and our sense of self often shift during this time. Things that once felt important may require renegotiation. You may find yourself asking questions you never had to ask before: Who am I now? What matters to me? What do I want to carry forward, and what do I want to leave behind? This tension is not a sign that something is wrong. It’s part of the work of transition. Matrescence is not a single moment when one identity ends and another begins. For a time, both exist together. The push and pull between them is not evidence that you’re doing it wrong. It’s evidence that you’re in the process of becoming something new.

If you're the non-birthing parent, you're in this transition too, even though it's talked about less. You may be watching someone you love become a different version of themselves, while quietly changing yourself and feeling unsure where you fit. There are several ways you can support both your partner's matrescence and your own transition: learn about the emotional and identity shifts that come with becoming a parent, take full ownership of one recurring responsibility (a night feed, dinner, the morning routine) and make space for regular check-ins.

Ask yourself:

• What's been hard?
• What's been good?
• What support does each of you need? Small acts of understanding, ownership and connection can make a big difference.

When it's more than matrescence

Matrescence and a perinatal mental health condition aren't the same thing, and it's important to know the difference. In the early weeks after birth, many people have what's often called the baby blues [2] — mood swings, tearfulness, anxiety and trouble sleeping — that are mild and usually ease on their own within two to four weeks. When low mood, anxiety or distress is more intense, lasts longer or gets in the way of daily life, that can point to symptoms of perinatal mood, anxiety or related disorders (PMADs), a health group of mental health conditions that are common and treatable, and affects up to one in five people. If your distress feels heavy, lasts beyond two weeks or makes daily life hard to manage, that deserves real support. You don't need to be sure what's wrong to reach out — the Services Finder can connect you with services near you.

One small step

There's very little room in our culture to say out loud that we’re struggling, so many parents end up carrying the weight alone. But the reality is you’re not alone, and support is available. You don't have to explain all of it. Telling someone "I think I'm going through something called matrescence" is a good place to start.

This article was developed using sourced educational content from Canadian Perinatal Mental Health Trainings CPMHT, and informed by the collective knowledge and expertise of CPMHT professionals and Karen Clarke, BA, MSW, RSW, Doula Open Book Doula, Counselling and Consulting Services, as well as the following cited research and clinical practice guidelines: