Your postpartum emotions: making sense of it all

Maybe you’re a new parent, a few weeks after childbirth, and you aren’t sure what’s happening to you. One hour you feel okay, the next you’re crying for no apparent reason. You’re exhausted in a way that sleep doesn't seem to fix. You don’t recognize the person you are right now, or the body you’re in.

The truth is, many parents don’t feel prepared for this. If you’ve just given birth, your body is healing, recovering and changing. Your sleep is in pieces, and you have a tiny person who depends entirely on you. On top of that, you’re flooded with emotions you often don’t know how to manage. But these feelings are not a sign that you’re failing. They’re a completely normal response to an enormous amount of change happening all at once.

Why emotions feel so unpredictable

Emotions during the postpartum period feel particularly unpredictable and unmanageable because there’s no single thing influencing how you feel. Instead, it’s a mix of things happening all at once, and a lot of them have the potential to shape your mood.

Your body is adjusting. If you just gave birth, your body is going through significant hormonal shifts and physical recovery. Even if you’re not a birthing parent, broken sleep and sustained stress take a real toll. Your body needs care and attention right now, but, with few emotional and physical resources during this period of time, most parents are put in a position of simply pushing through.

Your mind is working overtime. Nobody warns you how much thinking comes with a new baby. New skills, new schedules, a constant background hum of worry. Sometimes thoughts feel overwhelming, including the scary "what if" thoughts that seem to come out of nowhere. It might also be tough to focus, think clearly or make decisions. This even has a name — brain fog!

Your sense of self is shifting. Becoming a parent, or becoming one again, can leave you feeling a little lost. Who are you now? Where did the previous version of you go?

Life stress doesn't take a break. Financial pressure, family strain, health worries, relationships. Whatever you were carrying before this baby arrived is still there. Not having a partner to share the load, or feeling like you’re doing this largely on your own, can make all of this feel even heavier.

The advice is loud right now. Parenting advice comes at you from everywhere, whether you ask for it or not. Everyone has opinions, recommendations, even judgements: social media, family, strangers — we may even receive conflicting advice from our partners, support group or even professionals. When so much information is coming at you, it’s easy to feel confused or even angry. Remember it’s okay to parent in a way that feels right to you — every baby is different, everyone parents differently, and there is no single right way.

Baby blues and pinks, and when to pay closer attention

In the first couple of weeks after giving birth, many people go through what are called the ["baby blues and pinks.”] Mood swings that can include tearfulness, feeling raw, fragile and low, but also feeling euphoric and as if you have too much energy. It’s very common, and for most people it evens out after the initial days or weeks on its own.

You do not need to diagnose yourself. But if things still feel heavy after a few weeks, or if they’re getting worse rather than better, please mention it to your care provider.

Ask for help

Parenting was never meant to be something you do alone, or with only a partner — it’s meant to be done in community with many adults caring for children. If parenting feels impossible, it’s because we’ve set up impossible standards for ourselves.

You have permission to say no to visitors you’d have to host, to outsource your to-do list, to let the laundry sit without guilt. To rest, to cry, to be mediocre at some things during this stage.

You were not meant to do this alone, and needing support is not a character flaw. It’s part of being human.

Think of one person in your life and ask them for one specific thing today. Maybe it’s a meal, an hour off, someone to sit with you. The more concrete the request, the easier it is for someone to actually show up. If your support network feels thin right now, our [Services Finder] can connect you with perinatal mental health services and community support near you. You don't need to know exactly what you need to use it.

Take a moment. What would feel most helpful right now — rest, support or just a pause? Start there.

This article was developed using sourced educational content from Canadian Perinatal Mental Health Trainings (CPMHT), and informed by the collective knowledge and expertise of CPMHT professionals and Karen Clarke, BA, MSW, RSW, Doula (Open Book Doula, Counselling and Consulting Services), as well as the following cited research and clinical practice guidelines: