Language note: Throughout this and other articles on feeding, we use the terms “breastfeeding” and “bottle feeding” for consistency and readability. We recognize that terms such as “chestfeeding” or “bodyfeeding” may better reflect the experiences and identities of some parents, and we encourage the use of each parent's preferred language in clinical practice. Bottle feeding may refer to feeding expressed human milk or infant formula by bottle. We also use inclusive, non-gendered language, such as “parent,” “breastfeeding parent” and “non-breastfeeding parent,” to acknowledge and respect the diversity of families and caregiving experiences.

As discussed in “Planning and preparing for infant feeding [1],” parents choose different feeding methods for different reasons and deserve to be celebrated and supported for those choices. Many new parents have a desire to breastfeed their babies. If you want to breastfeed, it’s important to have the support you need to do so. This might include breastfeeding education and hands-on informational and practical support, especially in the early days of breastfeeding. You can use our Services Finder to find professionals who can help.

Feeding is a learning process

Whether you're breastfeeding, pumping, bottle feeding expressed human milk, formula feeding or combining methods, there's a learning curve. Positioning, latch, bottle preparation, recognizing hunger cues, sterilizing equipment, pumping schedules and finding a rhythm all take time and practice. Regardless of the feeding method, the first weeks with a newborn often revolve around feeding. Most babies feed 8–12 times every 24 hours, and many feed even more frequently. It can feel like all you're doing is feeding your baby. Many babies also go through periods of cluster feeding, when they want to feed almost continuously for several hours. This can be exhausting and may leave parents wondering whether something is wrong, but cluster feeding is a normal newborn behaviour.

If you're breastfeeding, some nipple tenderness or soreness can occur in the early days. However, ongoing pain, cracked nipples, bleeding or severe discomfort are not something you simply have to accept. Pain and nipple damage are signs that it's time to seek support.

Healthcare providers will also monitor your baby's weight during these first weeks. It's normal for newborns to lose weight after birth before gradually gaining it back. It’s also normal to feel anxiety about your baby’s weight and whether they’re getting enough milk. These are the moments when it’s helpful to have support, especially from those who support your feeding choices.

Feeding can feel emotionally heavy

Infant feeding receives enormous attention from healthcare providers, family members, friends, social media and parenting books. Unfortunately, much of the advice can feel overwhelming and contradictory. Many parents begin postpartum with a vision of how feeding will unfold, only to find that reality looks very different. Challenges with feeding can bring feelings of disappointment, frustration, guilt, anxiety or grief. These feelings are incredibly common. Although breastfeeding has many well-established health benefits and is recommended by organizations such as Health Canada and the World Health Organization when possible and desired, these benefits should never come at the expense of a parent's physical or mental health. Some parents cannot breastfeed. Others choose not to. Some begin breastfeeding and later decide that bottle feeding or combination feeding better meets their family's needs. The best feeding method is the one that nourishes your baby while also supporting your own wellbeing. Remember that feeding is just one part of parenting, and the best approach is the one that supports your baby’s growth and your family’s overall wellbeing.

Feeding and mental health are closely connected

Feeding and mental health influence each other in both directions. When feeding is going well, many parents feel more confident and connected with their baby. When feeding becomes difficult, it can be emotionally and physically exhausting. Likewise, anxiety, depression, trauma, sleep deprivation or other mental health challenges can make feeding feel even harder. One of the biggest contributors to emotional distress isn't feeding itself — it's the gap between what parents expected feeding to look like and what actually happens. If you’re struggling with feeding, it doesn’t mean you’re failing as a parent. Instead of asking yourself, “Am I doing this right?”, try asking: “Is this feeding plan working for my baby, my family and my own wellbeing?” If the answer changes over time, your feeding plan can change too.

It's okay if your feeding plan changes

Changing your feeding plan does not mean you've failed. Feeding decisions are influenced by many factors, including your baby's health, your physical recovery, your mental health, family circumstances, returning to work and personal preferences. Your baby's wellbeing depends on having a parent who is healthy and supported. You do not need to defend the choices you make for your family.

You don't have to figure this out alone

Many feeding challenges improve with the right support. Lactation consultants, public health nurses, postpartum doulas, midwives, physicians, peer support groups such as La Leche League, and other perinatal mental health professionals can help with feeding challenges and/or the emotions that often accompany them. If feeding feels hard, reach out through our Service Finder. Asking for help is also a way of taking care of your mental health.

This article was developed using sourced educational content from Canadian Perinatal Mental Health Trainings CPMHT, and informed by the collective knowledge and expertise of CPMHT professionals and Karen Clarke, BA, MSW, RSW, Doula Open Book Doula, Counselling and Consulting Services.